I dropped her. Yesterday I dropped her. Don't worry she is fine; no real damage done.
We were walking in from the store and I had her in the car seat hanging on my arm. We got into the house and I don't know how but the car seat slipped off of my arm and landed on the tile floor in our entry way! She immediately started screaming. I, however, did not/could not go to her aid because I had dropped the car seat directly on my left foot!! I have never felt a worse pain in my life; labor wasn't even that bad. I thought for sure my foot was broken. I dropped to floor and started crying (yes I am a big baby but DAMN DID IT HURT!). Chris came running in and came immediately to me. I told him I was fine to check on Sam. He picked her up and got her calmed down. She was fine, just really scared and shaken up. I was still in real pain. My foot wasn't broken, just badly bruised and I will most likely loose my big toe nail. You should see it today...DISGUSTING! The whole thing was terrifying. I was worried for her, that I had really hurt her. Chris very quickly reminded me that the car seat is made to keep her safe in car accidents so a drop from two feet is probably not going to do any damage.
Later in the evening I started feeling really guilty that my first reaction was to recoil in pain and not immediately go to Sam's aid. Isn't a mom suppose to not even feel their own pain in situations like that and only be concerned about their child? Why did I not have that instinct? When my sister was eight months pregnant with her first she fell down an entire flight of stairs and the whole time she was falling she had her arms wrapped around her stomach, completely protecting her unborn child. She didn't care that this meant her legs and arms were getting stripped of skin as she continued to fall, she was only concerned about the baby. Those are real motherly instincts. Where the hell are my instincts? I feel like I failed, in a tough situation I failed Sam. No, she wasn't really hurt. But in that moment, when I was on the floor crying on the other side of the room, and she was screaming in her car seat, I didn't actually know for sure that she was okay. I really feel horrible about dropping her but feel even worse that I was more concerned with myself in the moment than her.
It is really getting hard to not just feel like I totally suck at this whole mom thing.
Tonight is the Sentry Chirstmas party and while it is not the most exciting night out ever I am really hoping that a night out with friends will get me back in a positive frame of mind.
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fifteen
11 months ago
6 comments:
Oh Abbie! How horrible for you! And you are not a bad mom at all. You don't suck at it! It's just the hardest job in the world and we all have good days and bad days. Lily fell off our couch when she was 7 weeks old. I was on the phone with my mom and got up to get Lily a bottle (despite all the warnings--don't leave them unattended on the couch, etc) and then I heard a thud. I still don't even know how the heck she did that. Luckily the Boppy was on the floor underneath and I think she hit that before the wood floor. She was totally fine, just scared. But that was a scary moment for me. We all have something like that happen. We all have "bad mom" feelings too. Every time I let the kids watch extra tv because they are being quiet and I'm getting stuff done, I feel guilty for not spending "quality" time with them and letting the television babysit them. Anyway, my point is. We all have our moments and that doesn't make us bad moms. Just human. :-) There will be a better day! Have fun at the Christmas party!
1. you didn't go to her aid b/c somewhere in your subconscious you knew what Chris said, she barely fell and was TOTALLY fine. She probably gets bumped worse going over railroad tracks in the car!
2. what in the world? i didn't grab my stomach the whole time i fell! I was grabbing for the banister to STOP my falling and I tried not to land on my stomach, but DUDE! I was falling down basement stairs! I didn't just curl up in a ball and protect the baby! it hurt like freaking hell!
3. I always get MORE mad at my kids, even when it's not their fault, if I get hurt. The other night I was holding Parker in the rocking chair upstairs late at night and stood straight up into the low ceiling. I hit the corner and i thought i was going to die it hurt so much. I was SO mad at her for making me go upstairs at night and rock her that it's all I could think about! I put her back in bed and cursed her all the way downstairs! :) Like she had anything to do with it!
4. Stop worrying. Stop. Worrying. So. Much. You're a great mom and all i think it means is that she's too big for that carseat (which she is!) and you need to get the next size up, taking away the chance of dropping her again!
5. hope you had fun tonight! call me tomorrow!
Oh good grief, lets see, Jodie fell off the kitchen counter in her pumpkin seat, we tried to melt her with a heating pad, you grabbed the wood burning stove, fell face first into the turtle swimming pool, etc. etc. and you both survived and still like me as your mom. I am more concerned about your foot. Are you sure nothing is broken, remember Jodie's heel! Talk to you later.
Love, Mom
You are a good mom. Don't beat yourself up. If something was really wrong you'd have reacted differently. Our instincts are creepy-strong when it comes to our kids and whether they are okay.
I feel bad for you about your foot!
Ah-h-h I don't know Abbie. You're probably just a bad mom. I never did anything like that. I didn't burn Nikki by putting the hairdryer on her butt - (I didn't realize the coils were so close to the top of the dryer), Lindsey didn't topple down the stairs in her walker because she was unsupervised, Nicole didn't crawl to the top of the basement stairs at Lockwood because I was doing something else, I never yelled (you know how soft my voice is) at my kids because I was in a bad mood and their biggest problem was irritating me, I never had to ask my friend Mary Jane if I was a bad mom or did all mom's feel like this and on and on and on...
Remember what they tell you about oxygen on the airplane - put your own on first and then take care of your child! And no I'm not ignoring Charlie as I type!
I know I'm late to comment on this post, but I have to. You ARE NOT a bad mom. She was in a pumpkin seat and I agree that subconsciously you knew that your foot was hurt worse than she could possibly have been.
If it's any consolation I dropped Maeve on the kitchen floor (I was holding her, and a bowl of baby cereal and she turned to see the cat and bam, flat on her back on the kitchen floor). She's still the smartest kid in her class, so no harm done.
Then, when Braden was a baby he rolled off of Maeve's twin bed. I put him at the head of the bed, I didn't even know he could roll over and he rolled over, and over, and over and fell off the foot of the bed.
We all sometimes do stupid things, but so did our parents, and their parents, and we all survived.
Give yourself a break, Sam is happy, healthy and adorable!
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